In mainland China, many middle-aged couples “live under the same roof, sleep separately, earn separately, and handle things themselves when problems arise.” Recently, the topic of “divorce is no longer trendy, endurance in marriage is trending” has become a hot discussion on social media platforms in China. Some describe that there are no longer intense quarrels between couples, nor much mutual care and communication. The marital status remains, but the emotional connection has long faded. Instead of opting for divorce, it seems that both parties prefer to maintain the status quo, living separate lives.
On October 15th, the topic of “divorce is no longer trendy, endurance in marriage is trending” trended on Weibo. The term “endurance in marriage” sparked discussions among netizens: as emotions in marriages gradually deplete, divorce involves property, children, and financial arrangements, some couples choose to continue the relationship but no longer expect much emotional support from each other.
The related topic of “divorce is no longer trendy, endurance in marriage is trending” has recently been widely shared on Weibo and other social media platforms in mainland China, accompanied by short videos focusing on the theme of enduring in marriage, depicting the life of couples who maintain their marital relationship despite the emotional exhaustion.
The term “endurance in marriage” on the internet usually refers to couples who do not engage in infidelity or domestic violence but have faded emotions. They continue to uphold their marital status while gradually becoming more independent in their lives.
These marriages may manifest as sleeping in separate rooms, handling finances independently, and daily communication revolving only around children, household chores, and living expenses. When there is an issue to discuss, they do so; otherwise, they live their lives separately. Couples start resembling roommates rather than emotional partners, maintaining a facade of a normal family to the outside world.
Compared to marriages where couples simply “coexist,” the concept of “endurance in marriage” emphasizes emotional detachment. From engaging in arguments and complaints in the past, hoping for a change in the partner, to a point where the desire to argue gradually disappears, no longer expecting or asking for changes, resembling putting emotions on “mute mode.”
However, “endurance in marriage” is not a strictly defined legal or psychological concept; it is a term used on the internet to describe a certain marital status. Couples reducing communication or choosing to live separate lives does not necessarily mean that the marriage has lost its meaning; it depends on whether both parties are willing, able to communicate, and still share family responsibilities.
Firstly, for the children, to maintain the appearance of a complete family. Some couples wish for their children to grow up in a household with both parents present. Concerns about family members’ opinions, discussions among relatives, or worries about the impact on children’s lives and care arrangements after a divorce may lead them to choose to maintain the marriage, despite the faded emotions.
Secondly, the practical costs of divorce make it difficult to leave. Mortgage, shared assets, distribution of savings, child custody, and housing arrangements can complicate divorce. For some couples, separating means not only dividing property but also taking on housing and living expenses again, and rearranging the time and responsibilities for taking care of children.
Statistics show that after dividing a second-hand house after divorce in a certain county, one party might receive a net amount of 430,000 yuan, but they will need to pay an additional approximately 62,000 yuan in rental and agency fees, and the eligibility for housing fund loans will be nullified. Many admit that the cost of separating is greater than simply getting by.
The choice of “endurance in marriage” may not always stem from expectations in the relationship but could be a result of weighing practical conditions and finding it easier to maintain the current state.
Thirdly, after prolonged disappointment, the will to argue may even vanish. Some couples do not lack conflicts but repeated communication without seeing improvement leads to a shift from expecting change in the partner to not making demands anymore. The reduction in conflicts might give the impression of calmness on the surface, but it could indicate a halt in emotional exchange.
When one or both parties feel that further efforts are futile, silence becomes a way to avoid conflicts. However, the absence of arguments doesn’t necessarily mean that the problems are resolved; it could signify that neither party expects a change in the relationship anymore.
Regarding “endurance in marriage,” online discussions generally present two different perspectives.
One is the proactive partnership style. Both parties adjust their expectations, respect each other’s personal space, focus on themselves, children, or career. As long as there is mutual agreement, communication, and shared responsibilities, this arrangement could be a practical life choice.
The other is the passive depletion style. One or both parties have already lost hope in the marriage but are unable to leave due to economic, children, or other practical constraints, enduring indifference and distance in the long run. This state might not involve intense conflicts but could lead to accumulated repression, loneliness, and feelings of powerlessness.
Supporters argue that adults need to consider reality; not every marriage has to be based on intense emotions. As long as the family life can be maintained, and one can accept it, continuing might not necessarily be a bad choice.
Opponents, however, believe that if a marriage is reduced to a mere formality, lacking communication and intimacy in the long term, living becomes a continuous drain on mental well-being. Instead of considering “not getting a divorce” as evidence of a stable marriage, it’s essential to address whether both parties still have the willingness to share a life together.
As “endurance in marriage” gains popularity as a discussing point, many netizens express their opinions.
Some question, “What is the meaning of such a marriage?”
Others believe that it represents a choice made out of helplessness under reality: “For the family, for parents, for the children.”
One netizen openly states that behind marriages at this stage, there are often economic and emotional contradictions: “The underlying reason is that leaving the other is economically challenging, with psychological reluctance, hence enduring, until one can completely separate economically and then leave.”
Another netizen remarks, “Actually, divorce is too troublesome, involving property, children, savings, etc. When you think about it, it’s better to just get by.”
Some describe such relationships as “cooperatively raising children” and express sorrow: “With such marital examples, it’s no wonder young people are reluctant to get married and have children.”
These comments reflect the diverse considerations of netizens regarding the costs of marriage, emotional needs, and family responsibilities.