Loneliness can have a profound impact on both physical and mental health, akin to a chronic illness that damages the body. Experts say that loneliness can quietly do something to people’s memories, causing the happy moments in life to fade away.
Irish neuroscientist Laura Bilbao Broch wrote on Psychology Today that loneliness doesn’t make you think about bad moments more often, but rather makes you less likely to remember the good moments. In other words, being in a state of loneliness doesn’t add darkness to the brain, but rather diminishes the brightness.
In a study published in the British Journal of Social Psychology, researchers investigated whether individuals who experience long-term loneliness exhibit a negative bias when recalling social experiences.
Researchers analyzed autobiographical memories of over 4,000 participants. These individuals were asked to recall a recent social event, which could be positive, negative, or neutral.
The results revealed that lonely individuals were not more likely to recall negative social experiences compared to others. There was no significant difference in the tendency to recall unpleasant moments between lonely and non-lonely groups.
However, the difference between these groups was evident in positive memories—lonely individuals recalled significantly fewer positive social experiences compared to non-lonely people.
Broch mentioned that American researcher John Cacioppo spent decades studying the neuroscience of loneliness. He described the phenomenon as a feedback loop—loneliness alters the way the brain processes social information, making it difficult for people to feel genuine social connections, which in turn deepens the sense of loneliness.
This new study revealed a specific mechanism in this cycle—positive social experiences do not completely vanish, but they are not stored in memory files.
Broch stated that when one feels lonely for a long time, they begin to reassess their interpersonal relationships. Questions like “Does anyone really reach out to me? Do people remember what I’ve said? Is this friendship mutual?” may arise.
This reassessment may seem rational, but the data on which it is based is incomplete. Positive signals are often systematically underestimated because the lonely brain processes this information differently than usual.
Loneliness thus evolves into a self-sustaining cycle that prevents individuals from recognizing it as a cognitive bias.
Although this study did not provide effective solutions, it does suggest a concrete approach worth trying—if lonely individuals lack positive social memories, deliberately recalling these memories is not just a sentimental form of self-healing, but a way to correct an incomplete record.
Broch suggests that one doesn’t need to list a long string of reasons to feel a bit better. Instead, individuals can try to recall specific moments spent with particular people, recreate details as vividly as possible, and let the brain interpret them as social evidence rather than abstract consolation.
For instance, think back to the friend who drove 40 minutes to help you move, the message you received when you needed it most, or that seemingly uneventful afternoon. By taking a moment to savor these memories, you’ll realize their extraordinary significance.