Many people aspire to a happy life and strive for it, but not everyone can truly live a happy life. Experts say that only by holding the correct mindset can one achieve a happy life.
American psychologist Mark Travers wrote in Psychology Today that when it comes to obtaining happiness, most advice focuses on making oneself feel better. However, extensive research on emotions shows that the mindset most closely associated with feeling happy is not so much about generating good feelings but about how one deals with negative emotions.
Psychologists studying emotional regulation have repeatedly found that those who can effectively cope with adversity are not necessarily those who experience fewer negative emotions. On the contrary, these individuals learn to accept negative emotions when they arise, rather than trying to push them away.
Researchers in this field refer to this mindset as “emotional acceptance,” which involves facing anger, sadness, or anxiety with a curious and non-judgmental attitude, rather than viewing every emotion as evidence of a problem.
What may seem counterintuitive about this discovery is the pattern it reveals – compared to those who suppress emotions or try to convince themselves to change their feelings, people who accept their emotions tend to show better psychological health over time (including experiencing fewer overall negative emotions).
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2018 confirmed this pattern.
Travers explains that when people judge their emotions, they often layer a new discomfort on top of the initial unease.
Feeling anxious is already difficult enough, but if one berates oneself for feeling anxious, the situation can often worsen – and this “second layer” of emotion (rather than the initial anxiety) often evolves into a more challenging situation to cope with.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a clinical framework based on this concept, addressing behaviors such as “experiential avoidance,” which refers to the instinctive response to avoid or suppress unwanted internal experiences.
Decades of clinical research have shown that experiential avoidance is associated with higher rates of anxiety and depression. A study published in the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science in 2022 found that this resistance often exacerbates suffering.
This research reexamined a traditional belief that seems harmless but often yields different effects in real life – that one should always maintain extreme optimism regardless of the circumstances.
Travers says that forcefully maintaining a positive outlook during truly difficult times often fails to eliminate genuine inner feelings. When this positive attitude does not work, it can lead to a sense of shame.
A study published in the journal Emotion in 2011 showed that those who feel they must be happy, once inevitably unable to meet this standard, are more likely to experience distress than those who did not set such a high bar from the beginning.
Therefore, the mindset that can ensure happiness is more about “allowing” than being optimistic – acknowledging the existence of certain (negative) emotions without needing to prove their legitimacy.
Travers concludes that individuals who no longer view difficulties as “failures” tend to experience greater and more stable happiness than those who tirelessly pursue constant joy.
Furthermore, a recent study from Simon Fraser University in Canada suggests that the key to happiness is freedom. Having autonomy and the ability to make choices for oneself is true happiness. Do you agree?