Couples always hope to love each other unconditionally, with a love that lasts through thick and thin, until the end of time. Experts say that from three signs, you can determine if your loved one loves you unconditionally, and that you are their one and only.
American psychologist Mark Travers wrote in Psychology Today about a recent study where researchers tracked over 3,000 people to understand their motivations in seeking love. The results showed that successful love aligns with intrinsic motives and clear regulatory mechanisms – pursuing a relationship for genuine and internalized reasons.
The study pointed out that individuals with autonomous motives are more likely to develop and maintain long-term romantic relationships. It’s not out of obligation but rather stems from a genuine concern for their partner’s happiness.
Travers explained that unconditional love comes with no strings attached. When your partner loves you without expecting anything in return, they do not make demands or ultimatums. Their love is unconditional, not stemming from fear of rejection, societal norms, or insecurity.
Unconditional love typically exhibits the following three signs:
According to Travers, when your partner loves you unconditionally, they love the present you. They do not secretly wish for you to change over time, nor do they expect you to become their ideal image.
Researchers at Seattle Pacific University studied 578 college students who were currently in or had been in romantic relationships. They found that those who were raised with indulgent parents or had difficulty separating themselves from their families tended to develop maladaptive views on relationships. These views lead them to perceive their partners as egotistical and controlling, increasing disillusionment in love.
Travers noted that when we fall in love and realize reality differs from expectations, the relationship tends to falter. This occurs because the other person loves an image in their mind rather than the real you.
But when your partner loves you unconditionally, they love you in every stage of life – the present you, the you becoming, and the you in ten years. People grow, relationships evolve.
The honeymoon phase of love will eventually fade, giving way to stability. Love may change in form, with passion turning into lazy afternoons, shared idleness, and motivation to achieve life milestones together. Change is inevitable, and unconditional love gives you breathing space instead of suffocating you with its expectations.
Travers believes that many loves fade because of expecting reciprocity. The way many love is often how they wish to be loved. Partners may give their all, making necessary efforts and sacrifices to maintain the relationship, hoping the other will eventually fall in love with them, but things usually don’t work out this way.
Such imbalanced relationships are hard to sustain, and over time, if the other party doesn’t put in effort, love turns bitter, leading to eventual breakdown. Keeping score brings no benefit.
A study tracking over 7,000 couples for 13 years found that those who kept score and expected reciprocity felt less happy in their relationships over time. Partners who show care, help each other, and don’t dwell on gains and losses have more harmonious relationships.
Travers stressed that unconditional love does not mean one constantly gives while the other always takes. It’s about both openly loving each other, accepting each other’s flaws and strengths, and striving to grow together.
When your partner prioritizes this relationship and what makes you happy over their ego, pride, and desires, it shows more than just loyalty.
Feeling extremely safe around your partner, being able to be yourself without fear of criticism, and experiencing a deep emotional connection highlight unconditional love.
A comprehensive love theory proposed in 2020 argues that attraction, connection, trust, and respect – these four core factors interact to create lasting love. Trust and respect, particularly essential for emotional security and considering the partner’s happiness, play critical roles.
Travers said that trust and respect form the foundation of emotional security and selfless care, essential characteristics of unconditional love. When these two aspects are present, love can deepen and withstand life’s challenges.
However, it’s crucial to understand that even unconditional love has its limits. Loving someone unconditionally does not mean enduring abuse, neglect, or disrespect. It coexists with healthy boundaries and a sense of responsibility.