In New York’s Chinese immigrant families, more and more parents are noticing that their children are under significant pressure, but are not expressing it and experiencing increased emotional fluctuations. Why are teenagers with seemingly good grades and normal lives losing motivation in their studies, experiencing worse sleep, and even resisting going to school and communicating? Especially in first-generation immigrant families, children are unwilling to discuss their emotions, and parents do not know where to start, making mental health an unavoidable family issue.
On the evening of January 12th, at a mental health seminar organized by the New York Parent-Child Mutual Aid Association, Associate Professor Lu Wenhua from the City University of New York Medical School, who has been engaged in adolescent mental health research for a long time, and bilingual clinical psychologist Huang Fengtao, delved into the causes of adolescent mental challenges, the practical operation of psychological counseling, and the key role that families play in these issues, from both research and clinical practice perspectives. This was not just a knowledge-sharing session but also provided many parents with a path to re-understand their children and repair parent-child relationships.
Dr. Lu pointed out that many teenagers are reluctant to seek help when facing stress and emotions due to several reasons such as fear of judgment and labeling, concerns about privacy and distrust of systems, internal pressure to handle it themselves, influence of family and cultural factors, lack of transparency in environment and resources, and the developmental characteristics of adolescents.
Firstly, many teenagers’ primary concern is about how others perceive them. They fear being labeled as having issues or being emotionally unstable by peers, and worry that seeking help will make them look weak. This societal pressure is especially noticeable in the Chinese community, where being a “good student” is often expected to not require psychological counseling, leading children to be even more hesitant to speak up.
Secondly, many teenagers are concerned that the content of psychological counseling will be known by classmates, teachers, or parents, fearing a breach of confidentiality. They are also unsure if therapy is truly effective, or where to seek help. Insufficient information and misunderstandings about mental health services (e.g., concerning its impact on college applications) make them even more reluctant to take the first step.
Many children believe that they should solve problems on their own, viewing high stress as a normal price to pay, or thinking that if they can’t handle it, it’s because they’re not strong enough. They internalize external expectations into self-demands, leading to a situation where they are clearly suffering but tell their parents, “I’m fine.” This self-blame makes it even harder for them to admit needing help.
Dr. Lu noted that adolescence is inherently characterized by rapid changes in the brain and psyche, and children need autonomy and respected space. They don’t like being “summoned for a talk” and fear criticism or correction. If lacking a sense of security, they naturally become more reluctant to speak up.
Regarding psychological counseling, Huang Fengtao pointed out that many parents still harbor fear and misunderstanding: worrying that their child will be labeled, unsure of what goes on in counseling rooms, or even fearful of whether “the problem is already serious.”
In fact, psychotherapy is a gradual process centered around safety and trust.
Generally, the first step in psychological counseling is an initial consultation or phone screening. This is not a formal diagnosis but a chance for parents to explain their child’s situation, their concerns, and to confirm if the timing, insurance, and services match. The emphasis at this stage is on “fit” rather than “correct diagnosis.”
Next comes the initial assessment stage, which usually requires one to two sessions. For teenagers, this stage often feels like a “chat” – discussing school, friends, family, interests, and life details. Huang Fengtao explained that this is not mere “chit-chat” but is done to build trust, understand the child’s emotional state from multiple perspectives, their support system, and sources of stress. It is a structured, goal-oriented, and methodical professional process. Before trust is established, therapists typically do not rush to touch upon deep traumas.
During actual therapy, specific psychological skills tailored to the child’s needs are introduced, such as recognizing automatic thoughts, learning emotional regulation, building boundaries, and improving communication skills. Every child and family are different, therapy methods and pacing vary, and there is no standard answer to how many sessions it takes to improve.
Regarding “recognizing automatic thoughts,” Huang Fengtao explained that many therapeutic methods involve adjusting a child’s thinking patterns to help them notice and change the automatic thoughts and emotions. Whether it’s improving emotional responses or influencing event outcomes, the core begins with adjusting thinking patterns.
Huang Fengtao shared that many teenagers don’t just need mental support at one stage. Some children may undergo short-term counseling in elementary school due to adjustment issues, then return to therapy in middle school due to academic pressure and anxiety; some may intermittently seek help at different life stages.
She emphasized that seeking psychological counseling does not equate to only needing it when problems are severe. On the contrary, the earlier the intervention, the smaller the problems, the shorter the required time, and the better the prognosis. Conversely, if one simply expects the child to “grow out of it,” many emotional issues may become buried even deeper.
To the two experts, families play an irreplaceable role in adolescent mental health. Huang Fengtao stated that stable and trusting parent-child relationships can effectively reduce anxiety and symptoms of depression; children also learn how to cope with stress through their parents’ everyday demonstrations. For recovering adolescents, a sense of belonging is crucial, and families are often their most direct and reliable “emergency system.” Warm family interactions bring safety and stability, prevent problems from worsening, and when families are willing to participate and support therapy, it significantly enhances overall efficacy.
She pointed out that psychotherapy often includes “family homework” – not schoolwork, but practicing new coping skills, recording emotions, and trying different communication methods in family life. If these changes remain limited to the counseling room, their effects are quite restricted; they must be practiced repeatedly in family life.
She also reminded parents that when choosing a psychotherapist, they can actively inquire about whether parents can participate, the frequency of communication, whether family therapy is provided, and if the therapist understands immigrant and cultural backgrounds. Completely excluding parents from the process may not be the best signal for certain families.
The seminar highlighted that many Asian and immigrant families’ children bear deep “emotional burdens.” Both Dr. Lu and Huang Fengtao pointed out that some children are reluctant to seek help not because they are not suffering but out of fear of disappointing parents, adding to parents’ burdens, or worrying their families. They are also concerned that seeking mental health services may be seen as ungrateful. In a culture that values “face,” children are more likely to internalize their stress.
Immigrant parents, who have long worked hard and sacrificed for their families, instill a strong sense of responsibility in their children: they dare not complain, show weakness, strive to be obedient, or feel that they must support the family in the future, viewing “success” as a way to repay their parents. They often internalize their parents’ efforts and achievements into self-demands, forming perfectionism and deep-seated stress. Even if they appear rebellious, silent, or in conflict with their parents on the surface, they carry a heavy emotional burden inwardly.
Additionally, experiences growing up in poverty, competition, or an insecure environment in the previous generation may subtly influence the next generation with anxiety, frugality, and a high alertness to failure. These intergenerational emotional patterns often need to be acknowledged and discussed, rather than ignored.
On a practical level, the two experts offered several specific recommendations to parents. Firstly, they suggested shifting the focus from “performance” to “physical and mental state.” Instead of repeatedly asking about assignments and grades, it’s better to inquire about whether the child has been eating well, sleeping well, and feeling stressed lately.
Secondly, before giving advice, offer acceptance first. Many teenagers need understanding rather than solutions. When adults remain calm, patient, and non-critical, children are more willing to speak up. For example, many students prefer to talk during car rides, walks, or before bed rather than during a formal conversation.
Parents can acknowledge their child’s feelings first, using listening phrases like “I hear you,” “It sounds really tough,” and “Tell me more,” avoiding saying, “Let’s talk about it,” and then inquire if they would like to brainstorm solutions together.
Thirdly, establish stable and predictable communication time periods. Whether it’s a weekly family night or brief, focused chat times, these can serve as a safe passage for children to return to the family amidst stress.
In conclusion, Dr. Lu left Chinese families with a memorable point: “Many Chinese students often feel that others are doing more, faster, and better, which can easily lead them to self-doubt and make them reluctant to seek help. What children truly need is not higher standards but to be understood and accepted even when they are not perfect.”
In a multicultural and highly competitive society, allowing children to explore, make mistakes, and change is a powerful form of psychological support.
For immigrant families, mental health is not just an individual issue for children but a shared learning and growth journey for the whole family. When the family becomes a safe, stable, and returnable place, children have the strength to face the outside world.
Seizing this opportunity, the two experts introduced the upcoming UCAN (United for Care, Actions for Needs) project to attendees. This project, funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), will last for six weeks and be conducted online. It aims to reduce stigma and prejudice related to mental health, and assist Chinese-American teenagers and their families in understanding and effectively utilizing mental health services. The project is currently open for pre-registration and is expected to begin formal screening in March 2026, with the courses set to commence in early April 2026.
According to Dr. Lu, UCAN mainly targets first-generation immigrant families with teenagers aged 14 to 17 who have recently experienced stress, anxiety, or low moods. The program will be divided into parent and adolescent groups, focusing on different themes each week, covering mental health education, parent-child communication, and resource connection to help families more comprehensively understand adolescents’ psychological needs and, when necessary and agreed upon by both sides, serve as a bridge to refer to appropriate mental health services. The organizers express hope that through this project, Chinese-American families will enhance their awareness of adolescent mental health and their ability to provide support. Those interested in the project can register by scanning the QR code on the poster at the following website: https://unmute-lab.com/ucan/.
Additionally, they compiled the following resources related to adolescent mental health for parents and teenagers to reference.
Resources on Youth Mental Health & Stigma:
– Feelings Wheel: https://www.calm.com/blog/the-feelings-wheel?utm_source=chatgpt.com
– New York City University (Unmute Lab): https://unmute-lab.com/UCAN (United for Care, Actions for Needs) Project: A project funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), aiming to reduce stigma related to mental health and help Chinese-American teenagers and families access mental health services effectively.
– Mental Health Literacy: https://mentalhealthliteracy.org/
– National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) “I’m So Stressed Out!” Fact Sheet: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/so-stressed-out-fact-sheet
– NIMH Teen Depression Information: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/teen-depression
– JED Foundation – Mental Health Resource Center: https://jedfoundation.org/mental-health-resource-center/
– Deconstructing Stigma – “Hidden Hurt: Refugees, Resilience, and Mental Health”: https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/refugee-mental-health
– Deconstructing Stigma – Teen Mental Health Focus: https://deconstructingstigma.org/kid-teen
– Born This Way Foundation – Self-Care Tips: https://bornthisway.foundation/self-care-tips/
Family Communication and Mental Health Resources:
– JED Foundation – How to Talk About Mental Health with Your AAPI Parents or Family: https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-talk-about-mental-health-with-your-aapi-parents-or-family/
– JED Foundation – 10 Tips for Talking to Your Teen About Their Mental Health: https://jedfoundation.org/resource/tips-for-talking-to-your-teen-about-their-mental-health/
– AACAP (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry) Parent-Child Communication Resource Center: https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Resource_Libraries/AAPI_Resources.aspx
– Asian American Federation (AAF) – Family Talk Guide: https://mentalhealth.aafederation.org/post/family-talk
– BC2M – Talk Tool: https://www.bringchange2mind.org/talk/talk-tool/
– BC2M – Conversation Guide: https://www.bringchange2mind.org/resources/conversation-guide/
– Asian American Health Initiative (AAHI) Resources: https://aahiinfo.org/aahi-resources/
– NYC AAPI NAMI Resource List: https://naminycmetro.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/AAPI-Resource-List-3.pdf
Mental Health Services:
– Suicide and Crisis Intervention Hotline: Call, text, or chat 988
– NYC TeenSpace (Online Counseling for Teens 13-17): https://www.nycteenspace.com/
– NYC 988 – 24/7 Mental Health Crisis Support: https://nyc988.cityofnewyork.us/en/
– Crisis Text Line: Text 741741
– Asian Mental Health Collective: https://www.asianmhc.org/
– Asians for Mental Health Directory: https://asiansformentalhealth.com/new-york
– Psychology Today – Find a Counselor: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
– ZocDoc – Healthcare Appointment Platform: https://www.zocdoc.com/
Other NYC-Specific Resources:
– Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center: https://www.teenhealthcare.org/
– NYC Health + Hospitals Youth Health Program: https://www.nycyouthhealth.org/
– NYC Public Schools Mental Health Resources: https://www.schools.nyc.gov/school-life/health-and-wellness/mental-health
– AAF Mental Health Resource Directory: https://mhd.aafederation.org/
– Charles B. Wang Community Health Center (Teen Resource Center): https://www.cbwchc.org/community-health/teen-resource-center
– Child Mind Institute: https://childmind.org/
– The Child Center of NY: https://childcenterny.org/
– APICHA Community Health Center: https://www.apicha.org/en/home
Note: The above resources are for general information and support purposes only and cannot replace professional psychological counseling, therapy, or medical advice. If you have concerns about your child’s mental or emotional health, please consult a doctor or mental health professional promptly.