To assist parents in more effectively dealing with parent-child conflicts and improving communication, New York Inspire and the New York Parent-Child Support Association held a parent-child education workshop on the evening of the 16th. The workshop invited counselor Yuxin from New York Inspire to speak, covering topics from the causes of conflicts and common misunderstandings to practical communication skills, helping parents understand their children’s needs, reduce opposition, and establish a more relaxed and close family relationship.
Yuxin pointed out that parents who are willing to participate in the workshop already demonstrate care and love for their children. However, even with good intentions, conflicts between parents and children are inevitable and can escalate into arguments. She emphasized that understanding the source of conflicts and the correct ways to respond are key to maintaining parent-child relationships.
First and foremost, the workshop clarified the definition of “parent-child conflicts,” which arise when parents and children have disagreements on issues such as academics, schedules, finances, friendships, privacy, or lifestyle choices. Especially as children enter adolescence, their need for autonomy and freedom increases, making conflicts more likely to occur more frequently.
Yuxin analyzed that the core of conflicts often stems from both sides having “different goals and needs.” For example, parents may prioritize academic performance and future planning, while children lean toward immediate relaxation and entertainment; parents may emphasize rules and safety, while children seek autonomy and choices. These differences are not inherently right or wrong, but with insufficient communication, misunderstandings can easily occur.
She pointed out that many conflicts are not about who is wrong, but rather about “misinterpreted messages” – parents’ concerns may be perceived by children as control, while children’s expressions may be seen by parents as rebellion. Furthermore, accumulating stress and emotions on both sides can often turn trivial matters into a spark that ignites conflicts rapidly.
Yuxin reminded that both parents and children in relationships crave five basic needs: to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, to be cared for, and to be loved. When these needs are not met, conflicts are more likely to arise; conversely, if communication can address these needs, opposition will decrease.
The workshop further analyzed five common conflict resolution methods, including: avoidance, emotional confrontation, unilateral concessions, compromises from both sides, and “collaborative solutions.”
Among these, avoidance and emotional responses may temporarily halt disputes but can accumulate problems; unilateral concessions can make parents feel unfairly treated and may weaken rules; compromises from both sides are often temporary solutions. In contrast, “collaborative solutions” are considered to have the most long-term effect – through discussions, finding solutions that meet the needs of both sides not only addresses current problems but also helps prevent future conflicts.
Regarding situations where conflicts have already occurred, Yuxin proposed six practical steps:
(1) Calm down first: temporarily leave the situation to prevent emotions from escalating; (2) Reflect on the reasons: understand the sources of emotions for both oneself and the child; (3) Listen to the child: make the child feel understood and valued; (4) Express oneself: convey feelings and concerns using “I” statements more often; (5) Collaborative solution: discuss solutions that can satisfy the needs of both sides simultaneously; (6) Reconnect: after a conflict, repair the relationship and strengthen the sense of security.
She emphasized that the post-conflict “repair” is equally important, using care and affirmation to help children understand that conflict does not mean a broken relationship but can actually promote mutual understanding.
In addition to post-conflict management, the workshop also reminded parents to prevent conflicts in daily life, including: giving children space for choices without compromising principles, increasing communication on different aspects of life, using positive language, and paying attention to each other’s emotional states. When necessary, professional psychological support can also be sought.
Yuxin concluded by saying that parent-child conflicts are not entirely negative but rather a “signal that needs to be seen.” By responding in a peaceful and collaborative manner, not only will relationships not be harmed, but it can also become an important opportunity to promote understanding and growth.