Matt Cauli, a devoted husband and loving father, never imagined that at the age of 40, he would become the primary caregiver for his beloved wife. Mrs. Cauli endured two strokes and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, leading Mr. Cauli to embark on a challenging journey of recovery with her.
Facing the toughest test of his life, it was his love for his wife and son that gave him strength and conviction.
“I was shocked and felt very lost,” Mr. Cauli shared with Epoch Times during the time his wife was in the hospital. “My world crumbled. I felt like I had lost my wife, and the life we had built together was falling apart… My perspective on life completely changed.”
Mr. Cauli gave up his job with benefits to wholeheartedly care for his wife, taking on tasks such as cooking, laundry, cleaning the house, scheduling doctor’s appointments, walking the dog, and preparing their son for summer camp.
“I truly love my family. They are what I want the most. They are my everything, my motivation,” he said.
Originally from Connecticut, Mr. Cauli later moved to New York City, where he worked as a graphic designer. In 2009, he met his wife, Kanlaya Cauli, a native of Thailand, on an online dating site. They quickly fell in love and got engaged at the end of 2010, holding their wedding the following year at Central Park in New York.
“Our wedding had only a few family members in attendance,” Mr. Cauli said in an interview with Epoch Times. “It was a simple wedding. Due to limited financial circumstances, we opted for a quick and budget-friendly ceremony.”
Despite the modest wedding, it did not dampen their joy in celebrating their union, which they deemed as their “perfect” wedding.
Subsequently, the Cauli family moved into an apartment in the Westchester suburb. In 2014, they purchased a home in Westchester that needed renovation in preparation for expanding their family. Their son, Ty, arrived in 2017.
However, in 2020, their lives took a drastic turn.
“On May 15, right in the peak of the COVID epidemic,” Mr. Cauli recalled, “With no warning, Kanlaya suffered a severe stroke right in front of my son and me.”
Due to the pandemic lockdown, Mr. Cauli had to call 911 and helplessly watched as his wife was rushed to the hospital.
“I had to wait for my parents to come and take care of our son before rushing to the hospital,” he said.
During her recovery from the stroke, Mrs. Cauli began experiencing severe abdominal pain. A medical examination revealed a tumor – she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
Mrs. Cauli immediately began chemotherapy treatment.
“Since then, we have been on a difficult struggle that has continued until today,” Mr. Cauli said. “She underwent chemotherapy. Currently, she is cancer-free. Her cognitive and physical abilities have improved. Though things can never fully return to how they were, we are making progress with a never give up attitude.”
While Mrs. Cauli continues to progress towards recovery and regaining her health, she is experiencing it without the presence of her family from Thailand. Mr. Cauli expressed that her Thai family members were financially unable to make the trip to New York.
“Bringing Kanlaya back to Thailand to see her parents is one of my top priorities,” Mr. Cauli said.
Ty was just 3 years old when his mom had the stroke, and now, as a second-grader, he is starting to comprehend their family’s situation.
“He was too young at the time to understand what was happening,” Mr. Cauli said. “But now at 7, he is starting to ask questions. It’s a delicate balance because he is confused. He will ask, ‘Why do other parents and moms not need wheelchairs?'”
Mr. Cauli also mentioned that due to their sharing of the family’s journey on social media, people often approach them after seeing their videos, which can leave Ty confused.
“I try to explain to him that Mom went through things that were hard for many people,” he said. “We want to show our family’s unity and strength.”
Mr. Cauli shared that his wife has an amazing attitude amidst all the difficulties she faces.
“If I were her,” he said, “I might be very angry, but she maintains a very good attitude. Sometimes she is very silent, difficult to converse with, or understand her condition. But at times, she appears more cheerful, and you can see shades of her pre-illness self. Over time, things are gradually getting better.”
To make his wife’s life more convenient, Mr. Cauli took it upon himself to make some modifications to their house.
Upon his wife’s return from the hospital, he realized the need to convert the front steps into a ramp. Learning of the cost to install a ramp, Mr. Cauli felt immense pressure. Thus, he decided to build the ramp using wood from their home and a local lumber store.
In addition to the ramp, Mr. Cauli redesigned many other areas of their home.
The stroke affected Mrs. Cauli’s left arm, left leg, and left eye. As a result, Mr. Cauli rearranged the house so that his wife could easily see and access the items she needed.
Reflecting on his efforts, Mr. Cauli stated, “Since I was young, I have yearned for a family. To preserve the integrity of the family, I am willing to do anything. My motivation is that simple.”
Mr. Cauli hopes that one day, when his son looks back on the challenges his parents faced, he will feel that they did well in the face of great adversity and successfully raised him.
He expressed that love carried him through the challenges he faced, but he also acknowledged that finding an outlet for emotions and frustrations when caring for his wife and son was necessary.
For all caregivers, finding an outlet is incredibly important.
“It’s very challenging,” he said, “because it’s easy to get angry and frustrated, but you have to ask yourself, ‘Who are you getting mad at?’ It shouldn’t be the one you’re caring for. They did nothing wrong. It shouldn’t be your family or others. Nothing is worth getting so frustrated about.”
Mr. Cauli shared that his outlets include walking the dog, gardening, and hitting the punching bag.
He said that having a community that understands the struggles of caregivers is very helpful. When he welcomed his wife back home for the first time, Mr. Cauli felt lonely and without anyone to confide in, prompting him to begin sharing his feelings on social media.
“I slowly built a support community that supports each other,” he said.
Mr. Cauli praised his wife’s incredibly positive attitude during her illness.
“She loves her son very much, always working towards recovery, hoping to be a strong mother,” he said.
Where did Mr. Cauli find the strength to persevere through this difficult journey?
“Everyone has this strength within them,” he said. “When faced with real challenges, this strength naturally emerges.”