In a world where family members do not gather for meals and friends do not meet in person, instead relying on text messages or social media for communication, we fail to create positive, healthy, and reciprocal interpersonal connections. Let’s take a look at the dialogue between Oprah and Dr. Perry.
Oprah:
You have mentioned before that our world lacks interpersonal relationships. We see fewer people in the environments we live in, even when we do meet and converse, there is a lack of genuine listening and wholehearted presence. This emotional disconnect makes us more vulnerable to getting hurt.
Dr. Perry:
I believe you are correct. Even though we live in a great country with many kind people, overall, I think our resilience has decreased. Our ability to withstand the sources of stress has diminished because our emotional connections have weakened.
This lack of interpersonal relationships means that when we truly experience stress, our ability to buffer it decreases. We become “hyper-reactive,” where anything potentially threatening, such as people with differing political views, triggers overly intense reactions. Many people respond disproportionately to relatively minor challenges.
When we become overly sensitive due to a change in function, we quickly shift to thinking and acting in a less rational, more emotional manner. We lose the ability to calmly consider others’ opinions, reactions, and to try to see things from their perspective.
Oprah:
I often see this scenario. Someone makes a mistake or something they said years ago is brought up again, and then “Cancel Culture” goes into full swing. No one wants to listen to what others have to say.
Dr. Perry:
The irony is that all human communication traits stem from communication mistakes, unpleasant encounters, and the subsequent reparations. My friend and pioneer in developmental psychology, Ed Tronick, once said that friction and repair in human interactions help cultivate resilience. These frictions are just the right amount of stress that is moderate and controllable.
For example, discussions at the dinner table at home or heated conversations among friends, as long as there is repair afterwards, these experiences help build resilience and foster empathy. We should not storm off in anger from the scene of disagreement but rather self-regulate, repair the friction, rebuild connections, and grow from it.
If we simply walk away, then everyone loses. We need to enhance our abilities to listen, regulate, and reflect. This requires the ability to forgive and patience.
Mature interpersonal interactions require understanding people with differing perspectives. If family members do not gather for meals, friends do not meet in person, and do not engage in face-to-face, lengthy conversations but only communicate through text messages or social media, then we cannot create that kind of positive, healthy, reciprocal interpersonal connection pattern.
Oprah:
Of course, pleasant and positive moments are beautiful. However, what you just said implies that real growth comes from challenging times and frictional conversations. In such moments, we must be aware of what has happened in our hearts.
Dr. Perry:
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes – especially emotionally, trying to feel what they may be feeling – and cognitively, looking at the situation from their perspective. Entering interactions with empathy makes it less likely to have negative views on what occurs. If successful, it can help you understand the other person – even those you already know. You may gain a deeper understanding of their stories, which in turn leads to better adjustment during interactions.
When someone behaves poorly, our typical response is to get caught up in their emotions – we lose our composure and respond in a similar negative manner. However, by approaching interactions with good regulation and empathy, your response will change.
(Original article from a website, no reprinting allowed)