In recent years, a phenomenon known as “sham marriage” has quietly emerged in mainland China and rapidly gained popularity on the internet. This type of marriage model is sweeping the country at an alarming speed, especially in first-tier cities like Shanghai. In the current high-pressure social environment, the stories behind “sham marriages” are filled with helplessness and challenges, sparking deep reflections in society on why young people nowadays are abandoning traditional marriage norms.
“Sham marriage,” as the name suggests, refers to a marriage that is in name only. Legally, they are still considered partners; however, in reality, they lead separate lives, much like singles. It is a state of marriage characterized by “hollowness” – the marital relationship maintains a superficial form but lacks emotional connection, intimate interaction, and mutual growth.
According to media reports, the phenomenon of “sham marriage” in cities like Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou is becoming increasingly common and shows a trend of spreading to other parts of the country, with even a shadow industry of “fake marriages” emerging in Shanghai.
The core features of “sham marriage” typically include:
– Lack of communication: Apart from daily chores such as taking care of children, paying bills, etc., there is no meaningful conversation between the spouses. They spend time together on their phones, watching TV shows, with almost no emotional communication.
– Emotional freeze: Lack of physical touch, coldness in sexual relations, avoiding eye contact – emotions are like a desert, with a huge gap between the two individuals.
– Absolute split of finances: Each manages their own money, household expenses are split equally, boundaries are clearly defined, all just for the purpose of “living together.”
As a white-collar worker in Shanghai lamented online, “It feels like I am working for my marriage: my husband and I split the house payments equally, on weekends we take turns ‘on duty’ at each other’s parents’ homes, even the process of getting pregnant and having a child feels like meeting KPIs (key performance indicators).” This kind of marriage fails to nurture personal growth and only leaves behind exhaustion and frustration.
“Sham marriages” are not isolated incidents. Recently, a Shanghai blogger cited survey data showing that by 2025, the percentage of “sham marriages” in Shanghai had reached 15%. This data quantitatively confirms this hidden social trend, while parents in the background continue zealously pushing their children into the arranged marriage market, seemingly unaware of the shifting marriage views.
A recent article by influential figure “Baike Mima” further revealed the internal details of “sham marriages”: 92% of couples signed detailed property agreements before marriage, with terms more detailed than corporate contracts, covering property ownership, daily expenses, and even the allocation of future child-rearing costs. These agreements, apparently made in preparation for marriage, actually seem more like provisions for divorce.
Even more disheartening is that 92% of daily conversations between these couples are limited to household arrangements. Discussions like “Who will pick up the delivery today?” or “Who will handle the garbage separation?” constitute the bulk of their interactions, leaving almost no room for emotional exchange.
In the most extreme cases, a young couple in Shanghai not only sleep in separate rooms but also use a shared calendar app to manage household chores, even meticulously noting the responsibilities of caring for their cat in an Excel spreadsheet, taking turns. From scooping the litter to taking the cat for a check-up, even specifying who covers the cost of each cat food purchase. Despite their efficient household operation, there is a striking absence of warmth and affection, resembling more of a partnership in chores than a marital relationship.
This kind of “sham” marriage is even found among newlyweds, raising the question of why the phenomenon of sham marriage is becoming increasingly common and what its underlying reasons are. One of the widely acknowledged reasons for this phenomenon is economic pressure.
“Baike Mima” illustrates that economic pressure is a significant factor. In first-tier cities like Shanghai, where housing prices can easily reach five to six thousand yuan per square meter, the cost of living will immediately spike by 58% upon divorce. Many individuals, even if their love has died, find themselves trapped in marriage due to the “house.” Also, household registration policies, housing qualifications, children’s enrollment, and other institutional factors are imperceptibly pushing towards the commercialization of marriage.
Another factor is workplace pressure. Under the 996 work system, young people work an average of over 10 hours a day, coupled with commuting time, leaving very little time for building and nurturing relationships.
In addition, the lack of emotional education is also considered a key factor. Blogger “Huihai Hangbiao” points out that the rapid pace of life and financial pressures almost suffocate young families, leaving emotions between spouses repeatedly neglected. Meanwhile, generational differences and changes in social structure have led today’s young people to harbor different expectations and coping abilities towards marriage, making marriages appear particularly fragile under immense stress.
The plight of highly educated individuals in China and the chaotic state of the matchmaking market also contribute to the increasing prevalence of “sham marriages.” The hit mainland Chinese TV series “Cheng Jia” sharply exposes the various irregularities in the matchmaking market, including fake member profiles, AI-generated videos, and even the existence of marriage imposters.
A local Shanghainese, Xiaowang, a high-achieving graduate from Tsinghua University and a self-media influencer with over 700,000 followers, represents this group. Feeling lonely, Xiaowang hoped to settle down before turning 35. However, the disorder in the traditional matchmaking market led him to take a different approach – leveraging his expertise in big data, he created a matchmaking platform tailored for elite school alumni. Within a week, the platform had attracted over three hundred applications.
Xiaowang personally experienced a lengthy journey of matchmaking. He revealed that 66% of women would stop at the first meal, only 33% would proceed to a second cup of coffee, and very few could advance to the sixth date. What was meant to take half a year to find a partner extended to a full three years. This experience led him to conclude that “the most important aspect of dating is not playing guessing games, not doing foolish things to impress oneself, and not pretending to be something you’re not,” garnering recognition even from relationship experts as a significant step in the mindset of high-achieving individuals regarding love and relationships. Eventually, Xiaowang was fortunate to marry a student six years his junior, successfully entering the realm of marriage.
However, not everyone is as lucky as Xiaowang. For example, a finance graduate, Xiaotian, who completed their studies at a prestigious university, fell victim to a high-end matchmaking platform and paid a membership fee of 12,000 yuan. The platform promised to match high-quality singles with assets over 5 million yuan, a master’s degree, and no marital history. Xiaotian was blinded by the polished image of the “elite individual” during their first meeting, only to face repeated instances of unwanted “physical contact” implications later on. Eventually, Xiaotian decisively refused and reported the incident to the police, leading to the discovery that the man was in fact married. The court ruled that the platform return the membership fee to Xiaotian and compensate for their mental distress, serving as a warning for matchmaking platforms to strengthen supervision and exposing the increasing prevalence of fraudulent activities in the marriage market. These irregularities undoubtedly discourage young individuals who were hesitant about marriage from taking the plunge, thus becoming one of the reasons for the proliferation of “sham marriages” in major cities like Shanghai.
According to data from 2023, the annual number of registered marriages in the country reached 7.68 million couples, while divorces escalated to a staggering 2.59 million couples. This implies that one in every three couples chooses to part ways.
As a new type of marital status, “sham marriages,” as analyzed by “Baike Mima,” are operating at multiple costs, impacting not only individuals but also families and society at large:
– At the individual level: Pervasive emotional deprivation leads to common mental health issues. Surveys show that individuals in a “sham marriage” state have a depression index 35% higher than regularly married individuals. Many people, in order to maintain the appearance of marriage, end up sacrificing personal growth, better job opportunities, or social freedom.
– At the family level: The costs are more concealed and profound. While 82% of parents choose “not to divorce for the sake of the children,” studies suggest that children raised in families with a distant parental relationship have a threefold higher incidence of psychological problems than children from traditional families. This kind of superficial family environment only exacerbates the distorted views on love and relationships in the next generation.
– At the societal level: “Sham marriages” directly impact the desire for reproduction. Data indicates that 80% of “sham marriage” families do not consider having children, which will undoubtedly accelerate the aging population process. By 2050, it is projected that the proportion of the population over 60 years old in China will reach 38.6%. Additionally, the commercialization of marriage is weakening the foundation of trust in society as a whole.
Moreover, the existing legal framework struggles to effectively address this new type of marital status. Policies like a “cooling-off period for divorce,” among others, may worsen the marriage trust crisis under the backdrop of “sham marriages.” Quantifying the degree of “emotional rupture” has also become a challenge at the legal level.