Recently, a post from the social media platform “Xiaohongshu” has sparked heated discussions online. A middle-class mother of two from Shanghai expressed her anxiety over the high expenses of raising her two daughters, lamenting that she is gradually feeling unable to support them. Her story resonated with many parents who are also facing the pressures of high-intensity parenting environments.
Living in the Xuhui District of Shanghai, this mother’s eldest daughter is in the second year of junior high school, while her youngest daughter has just entered the third grade. Initially, she adopted a “laid-back” attitude towards parenting, thinking it would be effortless. However, when she reviewed the expenses of her younger daughter over the past three years, she was shocked to find that the total expenditure amounted to a staggering 210,000 RMB. She sighed about the challenges of being a mother and the financial strain of raising children.
The significant expenses can be divided into four main categories:
1. After-school high-end care: Over 55,000 RMB. The mother mentioned that school uniforms and meal expenses were just minor costs compared to the real “money-eating monster,” a high-end care center near the school. This facility not only provides homework assistance but also offers unique courses like Shanghai-style paper cutting and Shanghai nursery rhymes, ensuring that children have an edge from the start.
2. In-depth study trips: Costing 23,000 RMB. Parents take their children to lesser-known cultural landmarks in Shanghai to experience real-life mysteries at Yu Garden, explore the ingenuity of Jiangnan gardens, or drive to the Shanghai Astronomy Museum at Dishui Lake for the “Little Astronaut” experience. These experiences become excellent materials for children’s essays and enhance their academic resumes.
3. Shanghai-style art education: Expenditure of 52,000 RMB per year. After her daughter became fascinated with a performance at the Shanghai Concert Hall, the mother promptly enrolled her in professional courses and purchased a second-hand sanxian (a musical instrument). Eventually, her daughter won an award at the “Spring of Shanghai” youth competition, making the parents feel that “all the hard work paid off.”
4. “Focus intervention”: Costing 15,000 RMB. Due to her child’s procrastination in homework and lack of focus in class, a professional assessment at the hospital diagnosed her with “delayed attention development.” In response, the parents followed the doctor’s recommendations and implemented a systematic intervention plan including medication, psychological counseling, and sensory training.
It is worth noting that the large parenting bill of over 200,000 RMB starkly contrasts with the recent “Parenting Allowance” policy issued by the Chinese Communist Party.
Recently, the Central Committee and the State Council of the Communist Party issued the “Implementation Plan for Parenting Allowances,” which immediately became a hot topic.
According to the “Implementation Plan for Parenting Allowances,” starting from January 1, 2025, subsidies will be provided to infants and young children under the age of three, with the subsidy continuing until they reach three years old. For infants born before January 1, 2025 and under three years old, the subsidy is calculated based on the months since birth. Currently, the national basic standard for parenting allowances is 3,600 RMB per child per year.
However, for this Shanghai mother, the meager annual subsidy of 3,600 RMB seems insignificant compared to the high expenses of after-school care, art education, and other costs. It is like a drop in the bucket. This not only highlights the huge gap between the official subsidies and the actual parenting costs for middle-class families but also underscores the vast disparity in parenting investments among different family classes.
On social media platforms in mainland China, some netizens expressed that 3,600 RMB per year is not enough to raise a child. Calculating it over three years, the total of 10,800 RMB seems insufficient. They questioned whether anyone would consider having a child for such a small amount of money. Some even joked that they would only consider having a child if they were given a house for it.
According to the “China Child-Rearing Cost Report 2024,” the average cost of raising children aged 0-17 in mainland China is 538,000 RMB, with Shanghai, Beijing, and Zhejiang being the top three regions with the highest parenting costs, reaching 1.01 million RMB, 936,000 RMB, and 855,000 RMB, respectively. With a subsidy of just over 10,000 RMB for three years, how could it be enough?
The grievances of this mother have been mockingly labeled as “Versailles-style” anxiety by some netizens. However, many others acknowledged that her story truthfully reflects the madness and helplessness of middle-class families in terms of education investments.
Shanghai-based blogger “Master Mei,” who has over 100,000 followers, mentioned that children from middle-class families in Shanghai generally have “seen the world.” From advanced mathematics to horseback riding, if you have the money, there is hardly any activity in Shanghai that they cannot participate in.
However, this mother from Shanghai mentioned that her family has never traveled abroad.
“Master Mei” explained that middle-class parents are enthusiastic about taking their children on trips abroad, from Japan and South Korea to East Africa to witness the great animal migration. The purpose is not only to broaden their horizons but also to give them “capital to show off.” However, he pointed out that many domestic middle-class family trips are just for “checking off the list.” They seek proof of having been there on their social media feeds, rather than truly experiencing the culture.
Although the experiences of this mother are remarkable, the underlying anxiety is real. The expenses she detailed are a typical reflection of the pressures faced by a middle-class family forced into the “parenting competition.”
As “Master Mei” said: “Existence is reasonable.” In today’s society, this high-input parenting style has become a common phenomenon. It reflects the uneven distribution of educational resources and the pressure of academic advancement among the middle class, as they strive to ensure their children’s future advantages. However, the cost of this game is not just the depletion of family wealth but also the dual pressures on the parents and children’s mental and physical well-being.