Married couples who spend their days and nights together are bound to encounter conflicts. Despite the saying “fight at the head of the bed, make up at the foot of the bed,” some people cannot tolerate their spouses and ultimately end up on the path to divorce, with reasons possibly including inappropriate behaviors of the individuals involved. A psychologist has listed three of the most damaging behaviors to marital relationships, which are worth considering for both married individuals and those about to tie the knot.
American psychologist Mark Travers wrote on Psychology Today that a study published in 2022 found six primary behaviors that lead to divorce. Apart from infidelity, spousal abuse, and a lack of personal effort to maintain the marriage, there are three behaviors that are particularly harmful to marital relationships, as outlined below:
Participants in this study indicated that the most detrimental behavior to marriage is a lack of care. This includes neglect, indifference, and emotional detachment, such as:
– Failing to show interest in the partner’s feelings or relationship.
– Ignoring opportunities for quality time together.
– Disregarding the needs, preferences, or opinions of the partner.
– Taking the partner’s efforts for granted without expressing gratitude.
– Avoiding emotional or physical intimacy.
When one spouse feels ignored or undervalued, they may develop deep feelings of loneliness and resentment. Neglect also signifies a decreased commitment to the marriage, leading the affected partner to question their own worth and the future of the relationship.
A study from 2012 indicated that neglect like this is often a reason for divorce.
Marriages are also prone to trouble when one spouse mistreats mutual children or fails to fulfill their responsibilities as parents. Specific examples include:
– Neglecting to spend time with the children.
– Displaying inappropriate or abusive behavior towards the children.
– Undermining the authority or decisions of the partner.
Travers cited researchers stating that children’s well-being is crucial for parents, one of the primary reasons for being together as a couple.
Researchers found that if participants’ partners exhibited harmful behaviors towards the children, they strongly considered ending the marriage.
In marital relationships, controlling behavior – such as imposing one’s will on the partner, restricting their freedom, or manipulating them – ranks as the third most harmful behavior. In fact, studies indicate that when a partner is viewed as controlling or neglectful, satisfaction in the marriage decreases.
Specific examples of controlling behavior include:
– Constantly criticizing or blaming the partner.
– Isolating the partner from their friends, family, or beloved hobbies and interests.
– Showing excessive jealousy.
– Pressuring the partner to make decisions prematurely.
Controlling behavior not only undermines the partner’s sense of happiness, but also disrupts the mutual respect necessary for a healthy relationship. For those being controlled, such behavior can intensify feelings of resentment, low self-worth, and a desire to escape over time.
If you wish to “prepare for a rainy day” and avoid divorce in the future, in addition to refraining from the above-mentioned behaviors, you may also consider some advice provided by divorced individuals.
A study in the United States revealed that 63% of divorced respondents believed that if they had better understood the obligations of marriage before tying the knot, their marriage might have been salvaged rather than terminated.
These respondents proposed the top five methods to salvage a marriage, including: better understanding the obligations of marriage before tying the knot (63%), gaining a better understanding of the spouse’s values and behaviors before marriage (56%), delaying the organization of a family (44%), seeking professional assistance from therapists or marriage counselors (42%), and delaying marriage (40%).
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