Derek Lane and Lindsay Lane, a couple, are approaching their 23rd wedding anniversary. Together, they have fostered a culture of self-control and kindness within their family. They firmly believe in the power of language, enforcing a rule in their household that forbids anyone from uttering the three words “I hate you.” This guideline has helped their five children to focus on building positive relationships with one another.
The Lanes tied the knot at a young age, only in their teens, and had their first child at the ages of 18 and 19. Their faith in God serves as the foundation of their lives, with the couple crediting God’s blessings for guiding them through the challenges of teenage marriage and parenthood.
Mrs. Lane, in an interview with The Epoch Times, expressed, “Our plan was not necessarily to start a life as parents, but God has always been good to us, allowing us to experience the challenges of teenage marriage and parenting.”
For many years, this couple has resided in Nashville, Tennessee, where they have worked together to establish a family culture that does not tolerate abrasive language as “normal sibling banter.” Instead, they emphasize reminding their children that they are each other’s gifts and that hate is antithetical to sibling happiness.
Proud parents, the Lanes, have a simple parenting philosophy: to raise children who desire to honor God through their actions and thoughts.
Today, Mr. Lane works as an IT professional while Mrs. Lane uses social media platforms to encourage meaningful family life and education.
Despite being in the “chaos of young parenthood” from the start, the couple hoped their five children—Elisa, 22; Ava, 19; Audrey, 16; Owen, 14; and Everett, 12—would become good friends and strive to create a culture of integrity within their home.
Mrs. Lane stated, “We were young parents, growing up as we raised our children. I’m not sure we deliberately established a rule against saying unfriendly words like ‘I hate you.’ It was more about setting the tone in our home that siblings are blessings to each other, hence unfriendly language is not allowed. ‘I hate you’ falls into the category of unfriendly words, making it naturally taboo.”
The Lanes acknowledge that their family relationships are occasionally tested. However, by consciously cultivating love, their family bonds continue to grow stronger.
Mrs. Lane mentioned that their children sometimes feel “upset, frustrated, and angry” with each other, but as a family, they strive to exercise self-control and avoid lashing out at one another.
She added, “The children are not perfect, but they truly share an extraordinary bond. They still need to make efforts to resolve their disagreements. By focusing on actual offensive behavior rather than just the emotions involved, it becomes easier to address issues.”
This proud mother of five admits that her children might have uttered unfriendly words during their teenage years, resulting in privileges like playing video games or using phones being revoked as consequences.
She remarked, “Addressing the core of the issue is the best way to resolve problems. Negative behavior has consequences, but if we don’t address the root of the problem, negative behavior will resurface repeatedly.”
This approach has had a positive impact on the Lane family, reflecting their upright and thoughtful parenting style.
Mrs. Lane emphasized, “We stress treating each other well; everyone is a blessing, and in return, we truly enjoy each other’s company. As siblings and youngsters, our children not only see each other as family but also as genuine friends.”
To share the valuable lessons learned along their journey, Mrs. Lane uses their Instagram page, LanesLessTraveled, to spread the joy of parenting. When she shared their household rule of not saying “I hate you,” the response was mostly positive. However, as the video gained popularity, some negative comments began to surface.
Mrs. Lane shared, “Most negative responses came from children. These children may not know any better. In a culture where self is prioritized, hatred, arguments, and disputes between siblings are commonplace. So why would they agree to exercise self-control in responding to their siblings? Such negativity is a reflection of our culture.”
Mrs. Lane suggested that parents actively involved in their children’s upbringing should lead by example.
She further added, “Parents are the first influencers in their children’s lives, or at least they should be. Unfortunately, in today’s culture, this responsibility is often delegated to those who may not share the same values and standards as the parents. Our culture reflects this.”
Mrs. Lane believes that if parents are present in their children’s lives, they can become the “greatest influencers” in their children’s lives.
For Mrs. Lane and her family, making wise, family-centered choices has made all the difference, and she hopes it can change the lives of other families too.
She concluded, “We use our platform to show the real and vulnerable side, sharing the realities of parenting and conscious practices. Whether good or bad, we recognize that the trust we have established with our audience is indeed a gift, allowing us to help encourage those who follow us (mostly moms) and advocate for their lives.”