A mother of five children in Texas refuses to follow popular and superficial parenting methods. She believes that parents should focus on working on our hearts and minds fundamentally, as that is ultimately the most important thing.
One of her parenting rules is that her teenagers cannot have a smartphone until they have acquired some basic but essential skills.
“Phones are not the issue. The core issue is the potential consequences phones might lead to… addiction and a callous attitude towards others,” said 44-year-old self-employed farmer Caroline Ruth Nelson to The Epoch Times.
Mrs. Nelson mentioned that smartphones, social media, and certain applications can bring children a “surge of dopamine” that damages their brains and development, leaving them unable to face “anything uncomfortable.”
She emphasized that this point cannot be overstated.
“I can’t imagine my grandson (2 and a half years old) getting a phone just because his parents want him to calm down at the grocery store,” she said. “Why not talk to your child instead? Tell them what you are doing, what you are buying, interact with them.”
“Sometimes, parents are better off raising their children in a strict manner, doing things differently so that your children can have a better life. I absolutely think the whole extreme left awakening movement… giving children the choice to determine their own gender is also absurd to me. We don’t let our children choose certain things. They’re kids. We really need to guide them, not just say, ‘Oh, if it feels good, go do it.'”
Mrs. Nelson’s husband Clint Nelson is a custom furniture and cabinet maker. They live with their children in San Antonio. Growing up on a ranch, they are accustomed to hard work, making life not easy for them.
Mrs. Nelson hails from Colorado, where all her children were born. Twenty years ago, her first husband left them. She later married Mr. Nelson, and it has been six years since. He has assisted her in raising several children through their teenage years. The couple tends to animals, maintains a vast garden, all while instilling faith and a strong work ethic in their children.
“I hope they become God-fearing, loving, and kind community-minded citizens,” she said.
When her eldest son reached fifth grade, she felt he couldn’t stay in public school. Though she had heard of homeschooling, she didn’t know how to go about it. However, after witnessing the impact of public schooling on her son, she felt the need to further research this option.
She met mothers who homeschool their children to understand specifics.
“I went to their homes, spent a day with them, seeing how homeschooling looks and asked them many questions,” she said. “One of the moms told me… homeschooling is a way of life. It’s how you live with your kids.”
This advice resonated with Mrs. Nelson, who began self-teaching herself on running a home school. She explored various educational philosophies, such as unschooling, but ultimately embraced the Charlotte Mason method, which encourages children to read good books and explore the natural world.
“When they’re young, I really let them be kids, truly exploring the world. Visiting many museums, taking numerous outdoor trips, conducting field studies, understanding the world around them,” Mrs. Nelson said.
The only forbidden territory for her children was smartphones.
One of Mrs. Nelson’s methods in conveying kindness ideas to her children is through rules and guiding principles to keep them grounded. She mentioned that until her children turn 13, they hadn’t even discussed the idea of allowing them to have phones, but she also acknowledged that every child is different.
She believes children need to do five things before having a phone, and then she and her husband will decide when the time is right. She listed these reasons in a video on her Instagram page @LifeWithCarolineRuth.
(These five things are) First, they need to know how to start a fire. Second, they need to be able to cook for themselves. Third, they need to know how to ask for directions. Fourth, they need to be able to do their own laundry. Lastly, they need to be able to listen, obey, and engage in face-to-face communication with their parents.
Mrs. Nelson believes these skills demonstrate their learning in responsibility, and if they want a smartphone, they need these skills.
“If you are responsible for doing your laundry, cooking for yourself, you are exhibiting (responsibility),” she said.
She added that her children can prove their responsibility by using smartphones wisely and making wise choices in dealing with inherent serious issues smartphones bring, such as exposure to inappropriate content.
Mrs. Nelson also considers this as evidence of mutual trust between parents and children. She and her husband show sincerity towards their children, believing they will make the right choices. Their children also learn to trust that she and her husband are making the best choices for them.
Regarding the responses to her videos, Mrs. Nelson said, “It’s like audience reactions to the movie ‘The Wild West’.”
Some people appreciate her set guidelines, while others are critical, suggesting her children will resent her because of her strict rules.
She appreciates the positive feedback from other parents who were inspired to do the same. They pointed out that setting up these guidelines was akin to a rite of passage.
Regardless of the comments, Mrs. Nelson remains steadfast in her stance: “We should not blindfoldedly raise children in the first place, let alone give our children a phone casually.”
For Mrs. Nelson, helping her children become the adults she hopes they turn into goes beyond control over when and how they use smartphones. For her, the most crucial aspect is being together as a family and developing into well-rounded individuals.
“We are very active,” she said. “I’m the commissioner for the cross country department of our homeschool, so all my kids run very well.”
She revealed that apart from cross country and track running, they also play video games, camp, fish, and engage in many other outdoor activities. Her husband teaches the kids how to use tools, enabling them to assist him in working and making simple repairs around the house.
In the process of building mutual trust and communication, Mrs. Nelson hopes, most importantly, to teach her children to have faith.
She also hopes that people can see, in her videos, that she portrays an idea that people with faith are compassionate and loving.
“I hope people see that we can be a family full of God’s love, even if some people disagree, but there doesn’t have to be hate and animosity, especially towards… our different way of life,” she said.