Mental Self-Help 4F Method and Secrets to Maintain Happiness

A seminar on the mental health of new immigrants was held in Flushing recently, where a veteran mental health counselor and the founder of a non-profit organization shared insights on how to relieve stress during difficult times and maintain happiness.

The keynote speaker, Liu Yuanfen, is a senior counseling therapist in the psychology department of Flushing Hospital. She specialized in trauma counseling and emotional adjustment during her 18-year tenure as the Executive Director of the “Inspire Care Center for Women and Children.”

Despite being someone who listens to others’ worries every day, Liu Yuanfen faced her own adversity two years ago. One day, she suddenly found herself unable to see clearly, even with glasses, and her hearing deteriorated, leaving her feeling isolated. For a counseling therapist, this not only significantly affected her work but also triggered severe stress and anxiety.

This experience forced Liu Yuanfen to take a break from work for several weeks, slowing down her daily life. While undergoing surgery and various treatments, she also participated in training to work on her breathing, clear her cluttered thoughts, and find inner peace.

“We all work tirelessly when we are young, never thinking about training or even taking more than a two-day break… It’s only when faced with a health crisis that we realize the true significance,” Liu Yuanfen said, emphasizing the importance of health and life’s meaning during such moments.

She applied the self-help methods she had developed for her clients throughout her career to herself, which she referred to as the “4F method.”

These four Fs stand for Food, Family, Friend, and Faith. Liu Yuanfen explained that “Food” is about eating well and healthily, “Family” includes not just spousal relationships but also relationships with parents and children in single-parent households or with older family members. She emphasized the importance of family relationships and support. Additionally, having friends to talk to is crucial, as is having faith, regardless of religious beliefs.

Among these, Liu Yuanfen believes that “Faith” is the most crucial.

“People need faith to discover the value of life, understand where they come from, where they go after death, and grasp their responsibilities and values in this world. Otherwise, life may pass by without much significance,” she said.

Reflecting on her illness two years ago, Liu Yuanfen considered it an opportunity to contemplate the meaning of life, urging others to slow down, reconnect with family and friends, reassess themselves, and evaluate areas in their lives that may need change.

Having experienced stress and adversity firsthand, Liu Yuanfen now seeks to assist others more passionately, offering her expertise and insights. She reassures Chinese immigrants facing various life difficulties, stating that they are not alone and that mutual support and available resources can help them overcome challenges.

Liu emphasized the cultural background and ethnic characteristics of Chinese people, noting that they often do not address mental health issues as illnesses and may feel ashamed to speak up. This contributes to the scarcity of mental health resources prepared for the Chinese community in New York City.

She recalled her immigration to New York in 2001, coinciding with the 9/11 terrorist attacks shortly after she arrived. The city government inquired about mental support needed within the Chinese community following the events.

“Chinese people responded by saying, ‘It’s not a big deal. We’ve faced various natural disasters and adversities before. We must stay strong and look forward, without worries or fears,'” Liu recounted. Consequently, mental health funds allocated by the city were directed elsewhere, as Chinese individuals downplayed the impact.

Encouraging individuals to vocalize their mental and emotional concerns, Liu highlighted the importance of opening up to friends, family, or seeking professional help. She emphasized the significance of having someone to listen, asserting that supportive relationships are essential, and listening is key.

In addition to the fears and anxieties brought about by incidents like the 9/11 attacks or the recent COVID-19 pandemic affecting society, new challenges and adjustments in living environments can lead to negative emotions for Chinese immigrants.

Summing up the challenges faced by new immigrants, Liu pointed out issues such as language and cultural adaptation, housing and financial pressures, education and career planning, identity and sense of belonging, family and social support, as well as physical health and chronic illnesses.

“It’s often said in hospitals that depression is one of the diseases of this century. Many now understand that chronic illnesses can lead to depression and anxiety. Our physical health influences our mental well-being, and conversely, our mental state affects our health. Hence, even family doctors may have you complete a PHQ-9 Depression Questionnaire, inquiring whether you’ve felt down or hopeless, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, as mental and physical health are interrelated. Sometimes, when doctors can’t pinpoint the cause of physical symptoms, they suggest seeking help from a psychologist, which may provide relief,” she stated.

The challenges faced by immigrants can easily lead to adjustment disorders, anxiety, depression, and feelings of loss and sorrow.

“When we immigrate, move houses, marry, divorce, or have children, we may experience stress, anxiety, and depression. Depression, for instance, often stems from dwelling on past events, leading to regret and an inability to move on from the past,” Liu further explained.

Liu suggested that whenever stress, anxiety, or depression surface, individuals can try the aforementioned “4F” method: consuming healthy foods, sharing thoughts with family or friends, or turning to faith for solace.

Furthermore, another successful woman leading a non-profit organization emphasized that “helping others” is also key to maintaining a happy mindset.

The seminar was organized by the Chinese American Women’s Betterment Association (CAWBA). The President, Xie Jiayan, shared her technique of “diaphragmatic breathing” during times of stress or anger to alleviate negative emotions.

However, Xie Jiayan advocated an even more profound way of maintaining happiness: helping others.

In 2006, Xie Jiayan took over a Chinese women’s business association, transforming it into the current “Chinese American Women’s Betterment Association,” primarily serving Chinese women. Xie defined the association’s mission as “Love, Service, and Give,” establishing not only a platform for business cooperation but also fostering friendships among members.

Starting a decade ago, CAWBA has annually organized a “Special Mothers’ Day” event for families with children needing special care, recognizing and supporting mothers raising children with autism or intellectual disabilities, allowing these “amazing mothers” to feel the community’s backing.

“These mothers are truly remarkable; their resilience and love deeply move me. Many have said, ‘My child never knew what ‘Mother’s Day’ was about, but coming together like this to wish each other a happy Mother’s Day brings us warmth,'” Xie Jiayan shared.

Moreover, Xie Jiayan is generous in aiding individuals facing emergencies, providing financial assistance to employees in need, purchasing plane tickets for friends of friends returning home, supporting an orphanage in Africa, and backing an organization aiding victims of domestic violence, the “Inspire Care Center for Women and Children,” for the past 18 years.

“I always tell my friends, ‘Not donating won’t make you wealthy, and a few thousand or million donated won’t make you poor,'” she stated. “Do you know that the greatest reward I’ve found in helping others is being ‘happy myself’? My companions express the same sentiment—they feel fulfilled after a day of activities.”

Friends often inquire how Xie Jiayan maintains her eternal youth, beauty, and vitality, to which she responds, “A beautiful heart leads to a beautiful person.”

“I’m an extremely positive person, and whenever faced with difficulties, I always believe that everything will pass, and the sun will rise as usual tomorrow,” she said, with a hearty laugh. “If stress weighs heavily on me, so what? I might just have a drink tonight, and tomorrow, I’ll still be a hero, pat myself on the back, and head to work.

Xie Jiayan expressed strong agreement with Liu’s “4F” self-help method, though she doesn’t practice any particular religious faith; she believes in the power of the heart. She titled the recent mental health seminar “Caring Begins in the Heart.”

“I believe there’s a higher power in the universe. You need only hold them in your heart; you don’t need a prescribed way to worship. You can still do well,” she affirmed.

Due to the success of the mental health seminar, Xie Jiayan revealed plans to continue similar events in the future, focusing on marital issues, parent-child relationships, adolescents, and psychological concerns of elderly individuals living alone. She aims to provide more resources and connect Chinese individuals with professional mental health assistance.