For some people, being in a romantic relationship serves as a great motivation, while for others, it brings immense pressure. The success of a romantic relationship, leading to a long-lasting commitment or marriage, may depend on various factors. However, experts suggest that one key indicator to predict the success of a romantic relationship lies in the reasons behind one’s pursuit of love.
American psychologist Mark Travers wrote in Psychology Today that not everyone engages in romantic relationships solely as a significant milestone in life; in fact, an increasing number of people are not even interested in seeking a partner.
A study conducted by Geoff MacDonald, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, in May of this year focused on the different motives (or lack thereof) for romantic relationships as a primary source of inspiration. Specifically, he aimed to uncover which motives are associated with more successful and quicker-to-succeed romantic relationships.
In this study involving over 1,200 single adults, researchers linked the participants’ motives for romantic relationships with a range of personality traits:
– Intrinsic motivation:
Pursuing a relationship purely for the pleasure, meaning, or satisfaction it brings. These individuals seek companionship because they genuinely enjoy building relationships and sharing life with others. Research indicates that they have secure attachment styles and stronger social goals, showing more interest in committed relationships rather than casual ones.
– Identified motivation:
Pursuing a relationship because it aligns closely with one’s life goals and personal values. In most cases, these individuals seek partners because they highly value companionship and the concept of family. They exhibit similar levels of affection, goals, and romantic interests as those with intrinsic motivations.
– Positive introjected motivation:
Pursuing a relationship for feelings of pride, skill enhancement, or recognition. These individuals may seek a partner merely for appreciation or a sense of achievement, or even just to have a partner. Studies have found that they are more prone to anxious attachment styles and fear of being single.
– Negative introjected motivation:
Pursuing a relationship to escape feelings of guilt, shame, or inferiority. For these individuals, being unable to find a partner equals failure or may lead to a fear of criticism from others. They also tend to exhibit anxious attachment styles and a fear of being single.
– External motivation:
Pursuing a relationship due to external expectations or promises of rewards. These individuals might seek partners due to family pressure or for economic or social security. Studies have shown that they also experience anxious attachment styles and fear of being single.
– Amotivation:
Having no clear desire (or reason) to pursue a romantic relationship. These individuals may be indifferent to the idea of seeking a partner; they may casually date without truly understanding why they are doing so. Research indicates that this lack of motivation is often associated with avoidant attachment styles and lower interest in developing serious romantic relationships with others.
In the latter part of the study, MacDonald and other researchers utilized their newly developed 24-item scale to assess the motives of over 3,000 single adults seeking partners. Six months later, they followed up with these participants to see who had found partners.
Overall, participants with intrinsic and identified motivations were more likely to find partners within 6 months. In essence, those who seek romantic relationships for the enjoyment of love or personal values are more likely to succeed than those who do not.
Therefore, if you have exerted your best efforts but still haven’t found your significant other, the results of this study suggest that perhaps it’s worth taking some time to question the motivations behind your pursuit of love.
This research suggests that seeking a relationship to solve internal issues may indicate that one is not yet ready to embark on a relationship. However, if a relationship itself is fulfilling and satisfying without the need for validation, then you have found a better starting point.
Travers concludes by saying that for most people, love is something that requires gradual learning and growth; it is not a title or status you must strive to acquire or compete for. The more honestly you address your reasons for desiring a romantic relationship, the more likely you are to quickly find a partner willing to share the beautiful moments of life with you.