In recent years, many parents have been asking the same question repeatedly: “How can I teach my child to strengthen their inner self?” It is a good thing that so many parents are striving to help their children enhance their mental resilience.
Studies have shown that individuals with strong willpower possess various personality traits of happy and successful people, including autonomy, confidence, optimism, perseverance, and strong adaptability.
Therapists say that countless adults endure mental anguish in the long term due to a lack of basic skills to cope with difficulties, setbacks, failure, and rejection. Experts suggest that parents should not continue the parenting practices that deprive children of mental strength; the earlier parents start teaching children how to keep their inner strength, the more capable children will be in handling the challenges of adulthood.
Psychologists and parenting experts believe that parents can assist children in cultivating strong mental resilience from five aspects, allowing them to understand that coping with stress and challenges is part of life.
Therapists point out that individuals with inner strength usually exhibit characteristics of confidence and self-motivation. In other words, children with inner strength do not need to rely on others’ help to bravely face challenges and failures; they have the ability to be independent.
To help children develop autonomy, parents can use some short and easy-to-remember phrases to remind them to take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions regardless of how others treat them.
The short and easy-to-remember phrases include:
– “All I can do is my best.”
– “Show confidence.”
– “I’m doing great.”
– “Today I choose to be happy.”
Everyone has their strengths and values, especially when facing stress and adversity, understanding one’s strengths and values is particularly important because we rely on them to overcome hardships.
Experts recommend using the free VIA Character Strengths Survey to help children aged 10-17 understand their character strengths. Once the test results are out, parents can encourage children to leverage their character strengths and enhance their confidence.
When parents see their children fail, it is undoubtedly heartbreaking, but regardless, they should tell their children, “In facing challenges, you will learn a lot. Whether successful or not, you have already learned how to demonstrate your abilities under pressure.”
When children show courage in facing challenges, parents must encourage them. Whether they succeed or not, assist them in reflecting on what they have learned during the challenges and how to continue progressing with the new experiences and skills they acquired.
Share your personal stories with your children, such as how you persevered in difficult situations and the lessons you learned from past mistakes. These stories can help children view their failures and mistakes with equanimity and also let them know that life presents many difficulties, and although facing challenges may involve some internal struggles, having the courage to accept challenges and overcome difficulties is always worthwhile.
A catastrophic thinking pattern is when one constantly envisions the worst possible outcomes. Once this thinking is activated, it can be like a runaway train, difficult to control and filled with negativity, hindering you from progressing towards your goals and preventing you from completing tasks.
Experts provide the following three steps to help children restrain negative thoughts:
– Write down the worst-case scenarios imagined in your mind; the act of writing will weaken the intensity of negative thoughts. When you read your words, you will realize that your story resembles an unrealistic horror movie.
– Create a best-case scenario that you believe everything will go smoothly; you can treat this story as if you are writing a script for a Disney movie. It might be silly or even unrealistic, but the key is to evoke some positive emotions.
– After writing these extreme thought stories, you will be able to think more easily and balanced. Different types of challenges will result in various negative outcomes, but at least you can accurately see the core of the problem, which is crucial.
Parents’ attitudes influence children, which is why child psychologists emphasize that parents must lead by example and set a good behavioral model for children, including maintaining an optimistic attitude. Neuroscientists believe that optimism is a key factor in nurturing inner resilience.
Optimistic and hopeful children are more capable of controlling their lives, and when they face new challenges, they will show more confidence. Optimism is something that can be learned and taught; children are always listening and observing their parents’ behavior as examples to learn from.
Experts suggest that every time something happens, parents can say to their children, “It’s okay, we are handling it.” By consistently responding in this manner, children will also learn their parents’ optimistic attitude implicitly, finding ways to overcome worries and learning to challenge worries rather than avoid them.
Another key factor in inner strength is emotional intelligence, which includes empathy and self-awareness. Therapists recommend that parents help children understand the importance of respecting others and themselves, including listening to others’ opinions with a respectful attitude and apologizing sincerely when wrongly accusing others.
However, this does not mean that parents or children should continuously apologize. Experts caution against falling into the trap of excessive self-blame. Usually, when negative thoughts weaken your self-confidence, you tend to fall into excessive self-blame thinking.