In this edition, we are going to talk about a somewhat sensitive but almost inevitable topic for everyone, the choice of living with parents. Of course, there are many different circumstances – some people may not need to live with parents, but for others, living with parents is a necessity. For the Chinese community, living with parents may involve a sense of familial ties, filial piety, and obligations. Nevertheless, this time I want to discuss American real estate from the perspective of living with parents.
In the past, when we were young, our parents were able to move around easily because of their good health. However, as we gradually enter middle and old age, our parents’ health naturally deteriorates compared to before. While we used to think about going out on our own, leaving our parents behind and forging our own path in life, as ten, twenty, or thirty years go by, we may find that our parents are still waiting for us, gradually needing our help.
Of course, providing assistance to parents doesn’t necessarily mean living together. It could involve regular visits, financial support, assistance with various abilities, and more. Especially in the United States, parents may be first-generation immigrants, facing more barriers in American society, such as access to medical services, applying for various benefits, navigating driving and transportation, etc.
Both Eastern and Western cultures have natural bonds of familial ties, but in Chinese culture, we especially emphasize filial piety, moral obligations between parents and children, making the phenomenon of living together as a family more prominent than in other ethnic groups.
However, modern independence is stronger than in previous generations. Most young people want an independent life, especially after marriage and having children, leading to significant differences in lifestyles between two generations – in terms of diet, routine, education, values, etc. If they were to live together, they might face significant challenges in cohabitation.
Therefore, whether one already lives with parents and is considering moving out, or one is currently living on their own and contemplating moving back, individuals in both scenarios may face a dilemma in deciding what to do. Before making a decision, let’s take a look at the statistics on how many people in the United States are living with parents, across different ages and ethnic groups.
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According to the 2024 U.S. Census data, about 57% of young adults aged 18-24 live with their parents, unsurprisingly the largest group in terms of proportion. Around 18% of adults aged 25-34 live with their parents, a significant drop in proportion for this age group. It is understandable that at this age, most individuals are already working and moving out to live independently.
For those aged 35 and above, the percentage of people living with parents decreases even further, leaving only 5.9%. In other words, out of 100 American adults aged 35 and above, only about 6 individuals live with their parents. As for the age group above 35, the data does not provide precise breakdowns, and the percentage is almost zero by the age of 65 or older, as parents have generally passed away. Therefore, from the data, it is evident that only a very small percentage of American adults, especially as they age into adulthood, live with parents, and even when parents are older, the percentage remains low.
Looking at different ethnic groups, according to the Pew Research data from 2021, roughly 29% of Asian American adults aged 25-29 live with their parents, significantly higher than the 18% of white individuals in the same age group. Unsurprisingly, Asian Americans have the highest proportion, and we will delve into the reasons behind this later.
For Hispanic and Latino populations, around 26%-28% of the 25-29 age group live with parents. One possible reason is that Latino families have stronger familial bonds, with a traditional culture that supports multi-generational living. Additionally, the median household income may be slightly lower, which also encourages cohabitation.
Moving to African American communities, the percentage of adults living with parents is slightly higher but lower than that of Asian Americans and Hispanics, with around 24% of adults in the 25-29 age group residing with parents. White individuals have the lowest percentage of adults living with parents among ethnic groups, with only about 18%-20%. Traditionally, white individuals place a higher emphasis on independent living, resulting in earlier departures from home.
Three main reasons were highlighted in the study for living with parents: cultural values such as multi-generational living being normalized or seen as a display of filial piety in Asian and Latin cultures; economic factors with salary and wealth disparities among ethnicities affecting the ability to move out of the family home; and residential location, where residing in high-cost areas like California or New York City could lead to a higher likelihood of living with parents due to the prohibitive cost of solo living.
In the current era of high real estate prices, the percentage of individuals living with parents has also increased, especially post-pandemic. With severe inflation, cost-of-living issues, and health concerns, the incidence of living with parents has risen. This change is not as stigmatizing in mainstream American society as it was several decades ago. In the 1960s, only about 7%-11% of adults lived with parents in the United States.
Despite the many benefits of living with parents in modern times, there are also various drawbacks that might be discouraging, such as:
1. Lack of privacy and personal space: Differences in lifestyle habits between two generations can lead to conflicts, making it challenging for the younger generation to have their own social, romantic, or relaxation spaces.
2. Generational conflicts: Conflicts may arise in educational beliefs, financial matters, routines, or dietary preferences. Especially when both parties are adults, there may be blurred lines on who has decision-making authority. If children are involved, differences in parenting ideologies between generations are inevitable, particularly between children raised in the Western culture and their older generation brought up in Chinese culture, leading to significant disparities in various aspects. Residing together requires both parties to have clear understanding and room for compromise.
3. Decreased independence: Living together may hinder a child’s ability to think independently and develop essential life skills. In Western culture, living with parents is sometimes seen as a lack of autonomy, and individuals might face ridicule from their peers.
Moreover, for Chinese Americans, there are additional common dilemmas when considering living with parents:
1. Cultural value conflicts: The juxtaposition between filial piety and personal freedom poses challenges. In traditional Chinese culture, living with and caring for parents is considered filial piety. In contrast, independence and autonomy post-adulthood are universally expected in American mainstream culture, often viewing living with parents as immature and even indicative of failure. Therefore, Chinese American children frequently find themselves torn between these conflicting values, leading to feelings of guilt or inner conflict.
2. Restrictions on personal life: Chinese parents may have a stronger desire to engage and control their adult children’s lives, potentially interfering with their diet, social circle, or even career choices. Even when Chinese American children are adults, living with parents often means being viewed as “children,” resulting in a lack of complete autonomy. In Chinese families, it is common for adult children to be taken care of, have their meals prepared, and be cared for by parents even after reaching adulthood, which parents actively engage in. Conversely, if children resist being taken care of by parents, it might be viewed as an act of disobedience.
3. Impacts on marriage or intimate relationships: Living with parents can complicate aspects of dating, getting married, or establishing one’s own family space, especially if parents are reluctant to let go or overly involved, potentially affecting children’s marriages. There is a Chinese proverb that states, “listening to the elderly results in avoiding immediate loss,” which holds some truth. However, excessive concern and the inability to let children fly solo are also significant issues.
Having considered the above, if you are considering living with parents or having your children live with you, certain housing types may be particularly well-suited for multi-generational or three-generation living. Having good residential conditions objectively reduces the likelihood of conflicts in daily life.
1. Dual primary bedroom design: Ensuring both parents and children have complete master bedrooms and bathrooms to avoid inconvenience due to shared spaces.
2. First-floor bedroom or suite: Suitable for elderly individuals with limited mobility, eliminating the need for stairs.
3. Independent entrance or ADU (Accessory Dwelling Unit): Ensures privacy for both parties when entering and leaving the property.
4. Open or closed kitchen design: Depending on family customs and dietary adjustments, if parents are primarily in charge of cooking, a closed kitchen setup might be considered.
5. Adequate common areas: Such as dual living rooms, a family entertainment room, a spacious dining area, providing appropriate leisure spaces for each other.
6. Expandable space: Having a basement, loft, or the ability to add an ADU can be ideal for future plans to create additional living spaces or flexibility in living arrangements.
When it comes to external environments, selecting the right community is essential, especially if elderly parents are present. It is advisable to choose a location near medical facilities for easy access to healthcare services in times of need. Transportation accessibility is also crucial – proximity to highways or public transportation makes it easier for older individuals to shop and move around freely.
Safety is another critical factor to consider, especially when elderly individuals often stay indoors during the day. Good security is particularly important. In recent times, certain communities have seen targeted crimes against elderly Chinese individuals, such as robberies or violent attacks, emphasizing the need for heightened security measures.
Community friendliness is also a crucial aspect to consider. Whether there are senior centers, parks, walking trails, or other recreational facilities available, enabling elderly individuals to engage in outdoor activities and walks is vital.
Finally, looking at government policies, some provide more benefits for the elderly. For instance, California implemented Proposition 19 in 2021, offering tax benefits to homeowners aged 55 and above, allowing them to carry over the lower property tax base of their original home after moving. Previously, this tax incentive was restricted to certain counties in California and could only be applied once when moving homes. Now, Proposition 19 applies statewide, allowing for up to three moves and removing the constraint that the new property’s price must be equal to or less than the original property. However, if the new property’s value exceeds that of the original property, only the difference in taxes needs to be paid.
For those considering living with parents, such policies can encourage older parents to move without worrying about a sudden increase in property taxes, representing a significant step to promote multi-generational living.
Additionally, at the federal level, there are a few tax benefits for taking care of elderly parents, such as listing parents as dependents for tax deductions and adjusting tax brackets. Deducting medical expenses and caregiving costs can also ease the financial burden on children.
In conclusion, the decision to live with parents is a personal one, influenced by various factors like cultural traditions, family dynamics, financial considerations, and practical arrangements. Each family situation is unique, and understanding the complexities and benefits of multi-generational living is crucial when making such a decision. It’s essential to weigh the advantages and challenges, seek mutual understanding, and create a harmonious living environment that respects individual boundaries while fostering familial bonds and mutual support. Taking into account various factors like housing design, community selection, and government policies can also aid in ensuring a comfortable and conducive living arrangement for multi-generational households.