Since the Chinese Communist Party loosened the two-child policy, many families have opted to have a second child. However, as China’s economy continues to decline, waves of layoffs and unemployment are impacting ordinary families, especially those with two children. Recently, on social media in mainland China, mothers of two children have come forward to share their struggles and heartbreak, striking a chord with many. The anxiety of “losing oneself” and the despair of having “no turning back” have weighed heavily on them as they strive to move forward under the pressure. They hope that families with average conditions will carefully consider whether to have a second child.
In recent days, videos of mothers regretting having a second child have sparked widespread resonance on social media platforms in mainland China. One mother who was born in 1994 shared on self-media that she envies unmarried women who have not yet given birth, especially older women who have not had children. She realized the hardships she faces after giving birth to two daughters, aged four and two. She expressed regret for not fully understanding her situation before deciding to have a second child. The pressure of raising two children has left her feeling lost and overwhelmed. Despite her initial positive mindset when choosing to have children, reality hit hard after the birth of her second daughter.
She reflected on the fact that every adult needs care and love, let alone a child. She described the life after having two children as “losing oneself.” The responsibility of earning money and neglecting the care and companionship of her children has led to strained relationships within the family. She emphasized the importance of being cautious when deciding whether to have a second child and recognizing one’s own circumstances and uncertainties.
Another mother of two in Hangzhou shared her experiences and insights on life after having a second child in a self-media video. With a 13-year-old daughter and a son in the fourth grade, she advised young women in average condition to refrain from having a second child if possible. She expressed regret over her decision to have a second child, highlighting the overwhelming burden faced by dual-income families like hers in raising two children.
The regrets of these mothers are not isolated cases but rather a prevalent phenomenon in Chinese society today. These sentiments reflect the sense of helplessness individuals face amidst high childcare costs, discrimination against women in the workplace, and inadequate family support structures.
The complaints of these two mothers have resonated with many, with some mothers of two children joining the discussion to express the challenges and pressures faced by families raising two children. They highlighted that having a second child is not simply adding another member to the family but entails a restructuring of the family structure and daily life. They raised questions about the childcare system and family support systems.
Blogger “Egg Yellow” pointed out that with the current economic downturn in China, people are increasingly aware of their declining financial capabilities. Many women who have not been pregnant in the past one or two years may choose not to have children in the future. Couples contemplating having two children may reconsider and opt for only one child. Some who were planning to have a child may decide against it altogether. These decisions are driven by the fear of reduced income in the future.
He emphasized that families planning to have children are concerned about the implications if both parents were to lose their jobs at the age of 35. This practical concern is a primary reason why many are hesitant to have children.
He mentioned that in a deteriorating economic climate, ordinary families are forced to tighten their belts, leading to a significant psychological gap, especially for families with children. Many couples are considering not having children under such circumstances.
Blogger “Kan Jian” once highlighted the substantial cost of raising a newborn child: the average cost of raising a child from 0 to 17 years old in the country is around RMB 538,000, which can reach up to RMB 680,000, including university expenses. In first-tier cities like Shanghai, the average cost of raising a child until 17 years old is as high as RMB 1.01 million. He humorously referred to children as “four-legged gold ingots,” indicating that raising a child is akin to taking out a mortgage for buying a house in fourth- or fifth-tier cities.
A report by Sina Net summarized the “three major tragic realities” of families with two children: a decline in quality of life, increased economic pressure, and mothers bearing an excessive burden in childcare responsibilities. It urged individuals to carefully consider such decisions.
An analysis article published by Sohu interviewed 14 mothers on their experiences after having a second child, with many expressing regret, lack of time for companionship, and feeling aged prematurely. While some mothers felt it was worth it after enduring the challenges.
A report by the Chinese state media, People’s Daily, highlighted the anxiety and pressure faced by the “first batch of two-child families” following the policy loosening.