Father’s Day is approaching, and many children are thinking about what to give their dads as a holiday gift, while many fathers are contemplating how to become a good father. Recently, Los Angeles architect Zhang Tianning shared his experience of raising children.
Zhang Tianning is a registered architect, engineering contractor in California, and also holds an insurance broker license. Like many parents, he has invested a lot of effort in raising his two children. His children have lived up to expectations, both graduating from Cornell University and Purdue University, and finding their ideal jobs.
“Once you have children, the dynamics of the home change, and the entire family is filled with liveliness, busyness, and joy,” Zhang Tianning said.
Regarding how to raise children well, he believes that parents should first care for their children, understand them, and know them well, observing what qualities they possess. For example, his daughter enjoys reading and writing, always completing her assignments neatly and having fluent speaking skills; his son, on the other hand, has always enjoyed dismantling things from a young age, from alarm clocks to toys, wanting to see what’s inside.
Noticing these characteristics in his children, he and his wife have emphasized guiding them. “We have always paid attention to observing the characteristics of our children from an early age, nurturing them, and helping them develop in that direction,” Zhang Tianning said.
As his daughter was talented in writing from a young age, when she reached the internship stage in high school, he encouraged her to try a position in management. Consequently, she took on a front desk management role at a nearby hotel. His son had strong hands-on abilities; he learned computer assembly at a summer camp in junior high and later established a computer repair club in high school, helping teachers and classmates with computer issues, thereby honing his skills and gaining popularity.
“These incremental accumulations are very helpful for children’s future ‘explosive power’,” Zhang Tianning stated.
Children may face unfairness, feelings of injustice, and emotional setbacks during their growth. Guiding children to overcome emotional hurdles with parental guidance and comfort is essential.
Regarding emotional matters, Zhang Tianning felt that boys were relatively easier to handle; he paid more attention to his daughter’s emotional changes. Once, his daughter’s classmate asked to borrow her homework. When the teacher discovered that both assignments were identical, the parents were called to criticize the children as punishment. Despite his daughter being unable to accept it and cried uncontrollably, Zhang Tianning believed a warning had to be issued.
“One crucial point: parents should communicate more with their children and never say ‘Mom and Dad are busy, solve it yourself’,” Zhang Tianning recalled. With the help and comfort from their parents, his daughter eventually overcame the emotional turmoil caused by the assignment incident.
Children sometimes inform parents about making new friends. Zhang Tianning said, “As parents, it is important to be cautious about the friends your children make.” While encouraging their children to make friends, he and his wife also advise them to understand their friends. To do so, they organize gatherings, inviting teachers and classmates to their home to observe their children’s friends.
Zhang Tianning believes that from birth to around eleven or twelve years old, children often see their mothers as role models; from around twelve to eighteen years old, fathers become role models, where both boys and girls observe how their fathers speak and act, and learn from them.
While volunteering at a Chinese school, he noticed a few children smoking and wondered if their parents smoked as well. Later, he found out that was the case. He emphasized that parents’ actions shape children’s behavior.
“A dad is a role model,” Zhang Tianning said. Parents should never display negative emotions, arguments, or talk about divorce in front of their children because it greatly impacts them. “They may not say it, but their eyes are watching you. The father’s behavior and leading by example are crucial.”
Furthermore, Zhang Tianning noted that it’s best for parents to have a sense of humor in family life. Because of work pressure and having to support children after coming home, adults may be in a bad mood, but they should not bring their emotions into interactions with their children.
In terms of academic performance, he doesn’t expect his son to always come first in class exams, but he also doesn’t want him to be last. His son once said, “So, if I just get second to last, that’s okay, right?” He agreed, but also had a requirement that if his son didn’t perform well in one aspect and failed, he shouldn’t repeat the same mistake; thus encouraging his son to reflect on experiences and learn from them.
He also advised parents to pay attention to cultivating their children’s interests in sports and making them stronger. Chinese children are often thin and weak, but due to his son regularly training in swimming, he had very developed muscles. Zhang Tianning joked, saying, “Standing next to him, he feels like a door.”
With many young people spending a lot of time on their phones daily, Zhang Tianning expressed concern: “How will they raise children in the future?” He leaves a message for new parents: do not overlook your children’s growth, pay more attention and care in raising your children. ◇