In our daily lives, we may sometimes worry about doing something simply because we are not good at it and fear losing face if we don’t do well. However, experts say that not being good at something can bring unexpected joy. They also share three tips on how to turn imperfections into happiness, resilience, and relationship building.
American writer and university professor Lindsey Godwin wrote on Psychology Today that she is not good at bowling but enjoys it. The main reason is that she cherishes the memories she creates with family and friends while bowling, even if she loses the game, she still laughs.
Godwin mentioned that bowling is just one of the things she’s not good at but enjoys doing. While we tend to focus on skills we excel in, trying something we’re not good at just for fun can surprisingly bring satisfaction.
She explained that there are many psychological reasons why allowing ourselves to not excel at something can benefit us.
One of the ways she believes not being good at something can improve our happiness is by enhancing our ability to cope with failures in other areas of life. The more we fail in low-risk situations like bowling or art classes, the easier it becomes to handle failures in high-risk situations like work or relationships.
Research suggests that individuals who are kinder to themselves when they make mistakes are better able to recover from challenges. For Godwin, laughing at her poor bowling skills instead of blaming herself makes her more likely to try new things in the future without fearing failure hindering her.
Tip: Choose something you’re not good at and do it without expecting any progress, just enjoy the experience.
Godwin recalled fond memories of sharing moments of failure with others, such as when her bowling ball went straight into the gutter, receiving cheers from her friends.
The pratfall effect in social psychology shows that making mistakes can actually make people more likable, rather than less.
By allowing ourselves to have weaknesses, laughing at our mistakes, and engaging in an activity without self-consciousness, our relationships with others deepen.
Tip: Instead of competing to be the best at something, focus on sharing joy. When playing games, attending classes, or trying new things, pay attention to your relationships with others rather than your own performance.
Godwin mentioned that not being good at something can relieve the pressure of expectations. If you already know you’re not a professional pitcher, painter, dancer, or musician, you’re more likely to enjoy the process of participation rather than focusing on the outcome.
Engaging in activities purely for enjoyment can reduce stress and increase cognitive flexibility and problem-solving abilities. Embracing imperfection in something can shift our mindset from being results-driven to exploration-driven, fostering curiosity, adaptability, and enjoyment.
Tip: Sign up for activities you’re not good at, such as dance classes, improv comedy, pottery, or anything outside your comfort zone. Enjoy it without aiming for mastery.
In conclusion, when hesitant to try something because you might not be good at it, ask yourself, “Is this important?” If the answer is no, then go ahead and do it regardless.
Happiness doesn’t come from excelling at something but from enjoying it, regardless of the score you get.